I think that when you join the Police you expect to see death. In your first couple of years, you are pushed to the front of the queue to deal with people who have died at home.
These calls can be upsetting and the families are emotionally distraught, but you tend to get told nice stories about the person who has died. Suicides are different.
Nobody really prepares you for having to deal with a family that is utterly devastated. They often can’t comprehend what or why this has happened. The more you find out about the person, the more you see how their death may have been prevented and you can be left with this sense of overwhelming sadness.
You never forget the suicides you have attended. You remember their aftershave smell or what the weather was like. Of course it gets to you. That night, or days, weeks, months or even years later.
I know we are often worried about mentioning it at work in case it affects our career but please make sure you talk to someone, whether that’s inside or outside of work.